Will and Choices

For those who believe in God and His guidance to make the right decision, there're times that you pray with all that you have to know WHAT the right decision is. Let me see whether I can be clearer.

How do you differentiate between directives to steer away a certain road and obstacles that are to be overcome with faith and love. How do you tell when He says "I know you want this sweetie, but it's not My will (with good reason) and if you pick it, it will be a choice against My will and I assure you it's not a good road to take" and when He's saying "I know it will be rough, and the world may not see it but you hang in there, love and faith will pull you through" or when He's even saying "Man, you're like a dog with a bone, LET GO! Put it down.......NOW!!"

A friend of mine recently told me "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you". I felt encouraged. As explained, I concentrate on God and everything else will fall into place. Made sense. Especially with the philosophy of "Put God first in everything you do".

Went to look it up (and finally found it). Matthew 6:33 (thanx sis for finding it for me) and my version has the heading 'God and Possessions' and I thought to myself "I hope I can use this philosophy on other things that are not possessions".

Anyway, let me rein this in before it runs wild (as is the tendancy with me). I know I have free will to make choices. At times I wish for divine glimpse as to whether my choice fits with His divine plan. You know, plans to prosper and not for evil. I guess all I can pray for is the Spirit of discernment. You created me, I believe You understand me.

Understand me

You know my heart, You know my mind
You understand my logic, You see when I'm blind
You know what I want, and know what I need
And understand my confusion, and my need to believe

At times I see it, not as what's is wrong or right
But whether to concede defeat or fight
Which are the clear markings and I'm just blind
or which are the mountains that I must climb

Lord You know I'm at my wits end
And I'm afraid to break if I dare to bend
Is this a test that I shall become victorious
Or am I the cat to be killed if curious

I'm I the change that will revolutionize lives
Or is this another's battle to be tested and tried
Is this my calling and my destiny
Or do You have something totally different planned for me

Terida

Poetry, among other things, is Dead

It's sad how easy things are today (in some ways) and yet hard in others. All I can say is the era of when people could use words to simply move you is gone. I hope it comes back...the way afros did.

POETRY...DEAD

Poetry is Deaf
Rumblings used for affection
Intents deciphered from looks
Music is about physical connection
And there are not enough books

Poetry has bled
When loving words are wasted
and knock on too many doors
When sensuality is tasted
Then spat out on the floor

Poetry lies still in its bed
to breath it cannot dare
A beautiful cushion under its head
its body bare
Poetry is dead

Poetry is now deaf
Poetry has been bled
Poetry lies still in its bed
For Poetry is dead

Terida

Dear Politician

Politicians (for I dare not call you leaders), make no mistake about it, we have absolutely no respect for you. You're like the drug addict that forever promises to clean up their act just to disappoint us again. Wait, you're worse, because the drug addict at least has the intention to. And the drug addict just finishes himself, not everyone else. Everyone else is only heartbroken. We are wising up (finally). We are not like your mother, we do not have the same unconditional love (or tolerance). We are the world. And as you know, asiyefunzwa na mamaye, hufunzwa na ulimwengu. We are not waiting for you to clean up your act.

Fools governing
I promise not insult you
as much as you insult our intelligence
This we have proof
From your constant deliquence
The little that you do
and still be full of self importance

I have to hold back
From shaking you till you teeth rattle
I've tried to give you the sack
But that is entirely another battle
We just get the same people back
Our voters cards should be written "Recycle"

But now we've awakened
and caught you the countless times you've lied
And we have been forsaken
Every time you vowed never to leave us behind
We may look like we've forgotten
But Lord knows we are not blind

I'd ask you how you live with yourself
But I guess it's with great unease
I am not coming to your defense
And I am a little pleased
As I watch the mess
that you've created eat you like a disease

Sorry, no insults, I promised
And I still believe I've kept it
I only wanted to warn you not be surprised
That we have finally prepared your exit
Because we now cease
to allow fools to govern ME.


Terida

Expensive Man

Yes we all know him...he has the charm, the confidence...enough modesty, considering his pocket and knows how to treat other human beings, including the ladies. He's good to his mother and is on speaking terms with his father, he's climbed the corporate ladders and there are a couple of more steps he could climb. Full of promises but never promises anything too soon, or that he cannot give. I call him the the expensive man...

Expensive Man

C'mon girls, you all know about him,
The one who is well groomed down to his chin,
And his patience rarely wears thing,
And looks good always, even on film.

He knows what to do when you're alone,
And always seems to wear intoxicating cologne,
The one you always wonder if you'll hold him for long,
Or whether soon enough he'll be long gone.

When you're together you know nothing of pain,
And dinner is always accompanied with champagne,
The world seems picture perfect in his frame,
For he seems to have mastered the name of the game.

He's the expensive man, and the question he seems to pose,
Is whether you'll ever have more of him than a little doze,
Or will you one day find the story has come to a close,
Please, don't look at me, for I've never had one of those.

Terida

Paradox

Life is made of paradoxes...where one minute you are certain of one thing and the next you're sure of the opposite. When the truth is not so evident, the future is untold and the forces on both sides are determinedly strong...so is your conviction, on both opposite ends. This is my Paradox....

My Paradox

You tempt me to keep my eyes wide shut
In view of our love story untold
we were so strongly glued apart
And prayed into a fist our fingers would unfold
and be unscathed in our endless hurt
But we were consumed with a fire so cold

I threw it all away because I needed more
And I drew my dreams closer in a scatter
I continually wondered what it was all for
even when I knew the heart of the matter
I looked for the exit furthest from the door
and figured it would be easier to make it harder

I see in clarity my blinding rage
and wonder if there's happiness in anger
but I know that I cannot unturn the page
neither can I feel safe in my danger
So this peace I will attempt to wage
to escape the surface I'm floating under

Terida

Life of a Sinner, Life of a Believer

We rise, we fall, we rise, we fall, we get tired of it all. It's a recurring story that after a while you feel its wise to shut up about it and just see how it goes. This is the story of a sinner, and it's the story of a believer.

Sinner, Believer

I have seen love, I have seen deceit
I have known salvation, I have known defeat
I have been bad, I have been holy
I have been hopeless, I have known His glory

I have had faith, I have been a cynic
I have known disappointment, and in His eyes I've seen it
I have taken it slow, I have been in a hurry
I have realized the debt that was paid in Calvary

I have felt in awe, I have taken it for granted
I have fallen more than once, redemption I have hunted
I have given up, I have given in
I have risen up, then returned to sin

I have known His grace, I have felt His mercy
I have felt His Spirit, in more than passing
And today I have the strength to begin
This journey again, so heaven help me

Terida

So easily I bleed

I believe many times we know the right thing to do and what is good for us. But many times we do not see some things coming, and when the truth is revealed, we know we were lucky to have escape from a bad situation. So what happens when you try to reconcile your head that knows the truth with your heart that was already doing cartwheels at the various prospects that the future holds? Reigning in this renegade heart is like trying to mount a wild horse when you've never ridden in your life. Yes, knowing the truth is one thing, even coming to terms with it isn't half as bad, the challenge is the restoring the mind and heart to its former glory. To before the truth. To before the need to know the truth. Better yet, to even before the encounter with the one who started it all. You really did not need to learn the lesson that you already knew. Learn the lesson yet again...at your expense? Is that really necessary? You feel you didn't need to be reminded of the different kinds of the people in the world. If you did, you would have prefered to read them from a good book, and let the characters in the book be the ones to suffer instead. So OK, now the lesson has been learnt (again). Can't help but wonder why your skin is not yet so thick from the similart past lessons.

So easily I bleed

I'm meant to have the toughest of skin
and the strongest of hearts
To survive original sin
or the slightest of hurts
So hold firm and plunge it in
for to me your knife is blunt
It shouldn't not matter the cut's deep
Because hurt me you can't
and yet look at me
So easily I bleed

I'm meant to know your kind
And through you should see
To you charms be blind
and your clutches be free
In the truth I should find
The comforts to begin
To leave the past behind
and laugh back at the debris
and yet look at me
So easily I bleed

In my life I've tried to prepare
My head and heart to finally meet
For I know life is far from being fair
But many times it's a great feat
In life's game we are different players
And at times I concede defeat
I hold my head up in the air
and it seems hard I've not been hit
and yet look at me
So easily I bleed

Terida

Caught in a web

Many times we fear to face the truth and it's consequences. We do not want to give reasons and excuses for past blunders for sounding defensive is not our intention. So, we avoid and we lie. But the consequences of these lies are so catastrophic and the reaction so strong that you wonder which of the two is worse, the truth or the lie. The lie sounds better but the results do not bring about the relief expected. There are STILL consequences. And you feel yourself suffocating in the situation, you want out! Man, which is the greater of the two evils. Is there no relief from this?

Deceit

Oh, how we get caught up,
In this intrinsic web.
And time is suddenly up,
Like the days in Feb.
And you feel the suffocating wrap,
of the blanket of lies in your bed.

You twist and turn, you pull and yank,
It only gets tighter, and begins to hurt,
You watch in despair as your ship is sunk,
And your own lies tear your story apart,
You have nothing but your cowardice to thank,
For the deceit that you have made an art.

You wonder if it would have been better,
to stick to the truth and be brave,
Instead of following to the letter,
This lie that would eventually cave,
Just to form this enormous crater,
That is created when you misbehave.

Terida

Dreamer

I don't believe greatness is achieved by realistic people, sane people who adhere to limits. I think they are achieved by dreamers. Because without being a dreamer, you cannot survive life's failures and hard realities. Only a dreamer can ignore all the signs that the world generously dishes out to you and attempt what others may not comprehend. Many times, the world is harsh and discouraging and without your dreams to get wrapped up in, you will be lost in the world and its burdens will bog you down. Yes, I'm a dreamer, but its the only way to keep my sanity and survive what this world has to offer.

Dreamer

I have sat here, racking my brain
trying to understand this perpetual rain
and all the things in which I strain
and I have tried hard to refrain
from thinking I cannot take the pain

I have been a hopeless fanatic
in faith that works like magic
For it is the only way not to panic
that my life will turn tragic
as I listen to life's clock tick

I have lay here and been the spinner
Of my dreams as daylight grows dimmer
and related to words of any cooing singer
I see me talking as one of life's winners
I believe in all this for I am a dreamer

Terida

Free to Dance

There are times you just want to enjoy an internal part of you that is inspired by the external world. There those times you put on the music in the house and dance with abandon. Kinda like when you watch a movie where some girl hears music in a place like the forest or the beach and she dances and dances (not with anyone or for anyone) but simply because she wants to feel that freedom. Usually the director (and all his goons) know how to bring it all to a crescendo and you move with her and almost share her feeling the beat. By the time she's done, she's out of breath and your entranced.

I want to

I want to dance with sand under my feet
to nothing but the sound of drum beats
I want swing and swirl, twist and twirl
to get lost in the wind's whirl
I want to forget the world and feel from within
that I love the body that I live in

I want dance with sand under my feet
to a frenzy as I raise up the heat
As I move my body I am one with the beat
and I move it as it moves me
I want to indulge myself and immerse myself deep
in knowing in my moving I am free

I want to dance with sand under my feet
not to any particular single or hit
But to a rhythm that is raw and real
And know in that moment how I feel
Is not attached to any particular being
For it does not matter if anyone is seeing

I want to dance with sand under my feet
or even leaves that have fallen from a tree
Be it on a beach or in a forest
I want to dance like am flawless
Not to act, not to sing
Not even to be seen

Just to dance with the world under my feet
and my world to be a rhythmic beat
that with abandon I can feel
And be enchanted and know its real
I will do it at every chance
Because I love to be free to dance

Terida

A Life Led

A world was shared, a life was lost
In our despair, we feel it was short
We’re hurt we’re scared, we’re helpless and distraught
Because he loved and cared, he led and he taught
And many times he dared, to help in battles we fought

It’s hard to believe that he’s really gone
That our world is broken, that our hearts are torn
We know that this day comes, even when a child is born
But for one you love so much, it’s hard to fathom
How do you let go of a man, who your heart he won

You don’t

You live in the lessons, he lived to tell
You remember him fully, you remember him well
You remember him till your heart begins to swell
When you hear his song, let it ring a bell
Remember him with the four-letter word that starts with L

For a life was not lost but it was lived
And though our world is broken, the lord shall heal
Our lives are better, greater, because a of man we knew
A man so good and such men are very few
And in our heart is where we will keep you
Our loving Matthew

Terida