God I'm tired, Lord knows I'm so tired. My everyday life is filled with jumping back on my horse, right after it has thrown me off. Full of optimism, trusting in mankind's good triumphing, regardless of all I see around me. I fall, I rise up again, I trip, I slip, I stagger, I land on my teeth, someone kicks me when I'm down for good measure. I cough blood, hold on to my aching ribs, call on to my will and rise again. I'll survive, there's no other choice. Not only will I survive, I'll do it the right way. Granted, I'm strong.
But I'm also tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of falling off the same damn horse over and over again. And looking it in the eye, I damn well know that I will ride it for a while and still fall off. It's just a matter of time. Achievement is there and just as you pat yourself on the back, you slip again and you're right back at the bottom of the hill where you started. You look up and for the life of me you have no more strength to start the climb, especially since you've done so so many times before, where you willed yourself to do so. So now, here you are, slumped at the bottom of the hill, the rain mixing with your tears, covered in the mud of your efforts. Yes, the rain shall end and the sun shall shine again. And you will begin your climb and hope will be restored. You will do it because you cannot just lie there in your self pity. But when you've gained height in your climb and look down with pride on how far you've come, it will begin to rain again. And it will be a slippery slope downwards. For once in your entire life, you don't want to make that climb.
I have no words of encouragement, they have all been said before. You know them...ranging from do not give up to when hope is lost, all else is lost. Yes, its true that you cannot just sit there, bruised and battered. It will do you no good. But I understand that you are tired and have little hope, your heart is heavy and your soul is weak and lost. I understand you.
Battered...Bruised
My heart is battered, My soul is weak
My hope is tattered, My view is bleak
My dreams are scattered, my spirit is sick
My will is shattered, I'm off my feet
My life is harder, my life's deceit
I try harder, I succeed a bit
I push further, I begin to skid
I pray to the Father, I hear Him speak
My faith is stronger, Until I slip
My faith is weaker, there's nothing to seek
I rise I fall, I lose it all
My pride my gall, I cant stand tall
I'm sick and tired, cant fight no more
Cannot get up, just to be back on the floor
For once I have more than what I asked for
I'm tired, and I will not apologize
And please do not ask me again to rise
For now do not tell me "Be strong and survive"
As I have no more stomach for hopes and lies
Leave me to my battered spirit, leave me to cry
For once again I have fallen, In the bed I have made, let me lie
Terida
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