Fatigued..... To My Very Soul

God I'm tired, Lord knows I'm so tired. My everyday life is filled with jumping back on my horse, right after it has thrown me off. Full of optimism, trusting in mankind's good triumphing, regardless of all I see around me. I fall, I rise up again, I trip, I slip, I stagger, I land on my teeth, someone kicks me when I'm down for good measure. I cough blood, hold on to my aching ribs, call on to my will and rise again. I'll survive, there's no other choice. Not only will I survive, I'll do it the right way. Granted, I'm strong.
But I'm also tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of falling off the same damn horse over and over again. And looking it in the eye, I damn well know that I will ride it for a while and still fall off. It's just a matter of time. Achievement is there and just as you pat yourself on the back, you slip again and you're right back at the bottom of the hill where you started. You look up and for the life of me you have no more strength to start the climb, especially since you've done so so many times before, where you willed yourself to do so. So now, here you are, slumped at the bottom of the hill, the rain mixing with your tears, covered in the mud of your efforts. Yes, the rain shall end and the sun shall shine again. And you will begin your climb and hope will be restored. You will do it because you cannot just lie there in your self pity. But when you've gained height in your climb and look down with pride on how far you've come, it will begin to rain again. And it will be a slippery slope downwards. For once in your entire life, you don't want to make that climb.
I have no words of encouragement, they have all been said before. You know them...ranging from do not give up to when hope is lost, all else is lost. Yes, its true that you cannot just sit there, bruised and battered. It will do you no good. But I understand that you are tired and have little hope, your heart is heavy and your soul is weak and lost. I understand you.

Battered...Bruised

My heart is battered, My soul is weak
My hope is tattered, My view is bleak
My dreams are scattered, my spirit is sick
My will is shattered, I'm off my feet
My life is harder, my life's deceit

I try harder, I succeed a bit
I push further, I begin to skid
I pray to the Father, I hear Him speak
My faith is stronger, Until I slip
My faith is weaker, there's nothing to seek

I rise I fall, I lose it all
My pride my gall, I cant stand tall
I'm sick and tired, cant fight no more
Cannot get up, just to be back on the floor
For once I have more than what I asked for

I'm tired, and I will not apologize
And please do not ask me again to rise
For now do not tell me "Be strong and survive"
As I have no more stomach for hopes and lies
Leave me to my battered spirit, leave me to cry
For once again I have fallen, In the bed I have made, let me lie
Terida

Weather the Storm

The grand ups and downs of emotions due to your other half (be they the better half or not) does not happen to Whitney and Bobby only. Heck, even ABBA sung about it (One man One woman) and we always talk about it. Due to our own insanity, love, or whatever else you want to call it, we stick around and rise and fall with the waves. Many a times, regardless of what the world think, we seem to think its worth it. Hey, who are we to tell you any different.

Here's to the world.....grief and pleasure of the other half

Weather the Storm

He fills me with wonder, he fills me with pain
I laugh like thunder, and cry like the rain
In sophistication I blunder, then try to be plain
Then I try harder, again and again
He's spell I'm under, he drives me insane
But I lose all my anger, when he calls my name.
Terida

Music Moods

You hear one song in the morning and it sets your mood the rest of the day.
Some its the lyrics, some its the rhythm, some its just the feeling behind it. When you're angry, you relate, when you're in love all the lyrics make perfect sense, when you're rowdy the heart pumps in time with the beat. You could drive down to the coast just because of music. Its a great feeling and you just want to ride with it. I feel you. It talks to your soul.

Music

Music moves me, to my very core
It lifts my spirits, it captures my soul
It leaves me wanting, it makes me whole
It keeps me hanging, then gives me more

It transports me, with every song
And sets my pace, all day long
It grips my heart, sometimes like a claw
Then leaves me with wounds that are raw

It moves my body, it makes me soar
And think of nothing else when am on the floor
My emotions sweep, my heart pours
With tears I weep, my blood roars

It's amazing, how for sure
that music can produce my emotions galore
How it fills me from every pore
and makes me feel both pure and wrong

So with every lyric and every song
let it move me like its pawn
let the music go on and on
For this is the mood that I want to prolong
Terida

The Dark Side of falling in love

Yes, falling in love is great, your heart pumps faster, you walk on cloud number nine and most importantly, you have a witness to your life and enjoy companionship. But there is a dark side of falling in love and we've all experienced it. The slow loss of own identity for the other person. This loss is needed for harmony and co-existence. The acting against ones own nature. Some call this becoming a better person, other times it's just simply becoming a different person.You lose many strengths that you had. You might be thinking that the trick is finding the balance between compromise and keeping your identity. Well, you cannot have balance and fall at the same time. Falling (into anything especially love) means loosing balance. So, lose yourself, destroy a part of you... it's inevitable. It's the dark side of falling in love and you feel it as you struggle against it.

Shadow of Love

Tie me to an electric chair
You're my Delilah, cut my hair
From my mind a little seeps
And few words escape my lips
The slow draining of my spirit
A little ebbing, slowly drifting
Screaming oh so softly
Killing me so slowly

Seeking advice, Friends are my Cassandra
And I become little more than the well known nymph
The only reason at times I feel like thunder
Is because an Echo of yours is my dream
Loosing me in gaining you
Giving the very best of my youth
Reaching for the Sacred, searching for the Holy
KIlling myself surely and slowly

A dark place I am, wading the waters
Get on a vessel, without no rafters
My own growth I seem to hinder
It's time to give me 30 pieces of silver
For such betrayal is tragic
But still well know and classic
I'm well aware of this fact
But given me to you, cannot take me back.
Terida

Platonic? Who are we kidding....?

The endless debate concerning relationships between men and women. Can a man and a woman have a truly platonic relationship? By truly platonic, the following conditions must apply... 1. You are in no way related. 2. He is not dating your sister, cousin, best friend bla bla bla. 3. He is in the considerable age that you would date i.e. not your parents and granny's age. I insist on reviewing these conditions because if they do not apply then its probably circumstances that have forced you to be platonic, not by choice. So, if these circumstances do apply and you have not gone down that treacherous road, then you are platonic.

Back to my original thought... can a man and a woman be truly platonic? I think so. I have one such a friend. No no, no jokes .... just because you haven't managed such a feat doesn't mean that others haven't. Do not disregard something just because you do not understand it so listen up! I happen to have a friend who girls go crazy about (due to their own peculiar taste) and me and him just don't feel that way. Have we ever contemplated it? Of course, in every truly platonic friendship you have to cross that bridge where you wonder about the other person and then make your decision. Whether you cross that bridge at the same time is up to the 2 individuals. Mark that the wondering only happens in the mind, no further. If iot goes further, well, that's not platonic, is it? SO, these relationships are possible.

Now here's the knocker! There's that fella that you've struggled down the slippery slope with. Constantly swinging like a pendulum between tight friends and heart-wrencher. And of course, the constant self denial where you insist that you guys are platonic. C'mon gal, you ain't even fooling him (leave alone the rest of the world that showcases the two of you as a perfect example of how platonic friendships really can't exist). I have such a person. Here's to you....."FRIEND"

Blurry Line

The blurry line is not between love & hate
But between friend and life's mate
The knowing each other through the years
And all the collected souvenirs
True, there are no letters sent
But there's certainly time spent

There are those, even though others insist
We can honestly say there are no feelings to resist
No hidden emotion, nothing scary
Here there's no line, not even one that's blurry
No formulas, no theory
For such a relationship would be unsavory

But here comes that uncommon exception
With whom you'd love the relation
But please keep things in perspective
Your emotions and fantasies irrespective
Because you will discover in due time
That it is only you who sees the blur in the line
Terida